Mirror of the Soul : Speech 1 : Being cynical or positive?11:04 Jun 12 2012
Times Read: 539
They say being cynic is a sin or being very negative. my answer is hahaha fuck you and your opinion.
In life there is no such thing as true love, and true happiness, no such thing as god, no such thing as never ending love, cause that is all BULLSHITTING LIES.
you will tell me I am being cynical and I will answer cause I am being realistic to the fact that apart I accept that in life nothing is fair and square and there is nothing but worst of humanity that brings poison and backstabbing in our lives, and that makes us loose faith in one to another and also in ourselves. some grow stronger and other goes down weaker and weaker.
Some who lost everything in life like parents, and family, others who were born under a broken home, or family with abuse, neglection, and also being abandoned happens to grow stronger and try to be positive but deep inside they are broken and true cynical just they don't show it.
As for those who never lost anything they simply are cynical and timid, shy and also afraid to confront their problems. Afraid to show their true colours. Afraid to get hurt.
I wasn't born in a broken house, and my father never had money problems or any job less. Actually he is a very excellent worker and manager and always get what he wants. But as a father and a husband he failed on both. Mother had enough of his egocentrically personality and hell yes if he is. Also he tends to mentally abuse me or my mother if he don't get what he wants. try to manipulate minds and also use threats.
His sisters are narrow minded with religion shit and also never liked me cause I am different and eccentric so fuck them haha
With my cousins no matter how much I tried, after I realized that I can't be like them and that I got nothing in common and it was useless to try to fill in, and not be an outcast, I decided to remain an outcast. I tried my best now its their turn.
Mother? suffers from schizophrenia, something bi polar, and also personality disorder. Never wanted kids, so in other words never wanted me. In fact, she made it clear to me I was a huge burden for 18 years of her life to be stuck with my father. What a bullshit lie. If she wanted she could have left and asked for the gov to help her financially. It is very easy to know the lies of these humans.
I am a human too. I made so much fuck up shit in my life I could hardly remember them all. Not bragging or to sound like a poser please no.
Simply admitting I dont my wrong too. I had been in gang fights, stealing (not money or other precious things) in that case i call my self very weird. I always stole food stuff and things like a lighter or something very small and simple. Done cocaine, morphine and ecstasy and honestly? morphine and cocaine are my favourite drugs apart Marijuana. but another thing is I am not addictive. At least to those. I love alcohol indeed but not addicted either.
There are times I drink only water, or juices or sodas.
I had been sexually abused yes and happened to become asexual but thanks to certain things am doing lately with the help of doctors who are specialised in these are going to make it normal life to me. well I lived well not having sex for these long years. After being abused I hated even the mention of it so when I wasn't even aroused sexually by both sexes but simply get attracted by the personality I call it quite great thing.
But humans loves sex. I say: what the fuck is so good about sex? there are many pleasurable things in life why sex? why can't we just use it to bind ourselves to the other person's soul till I found out there is no such thing as love or eternal shit one lol
people cheat on each other, hurt each other with lies and secrets. And greediness and selfishness too.
I might fall in love one day I don't know. I might happen and if that comes I hope that the person I fall in love with will be unreachable and untouchable.
might have to be far away from me. from a distant land, age gap too, different worlds.
that way I can only use it as a hope to live day by day and use it to heal my self, as in other way keep it as a friendship too and only that so it won't be destroyed cause love can destroy a person's heart after made it happy with joy.
seen many broken houses, many prostitutes that are being judged badly but in reality they really have no choice or no luck to find a better way to live. Seen drug addicts or alcoholics too, parents that struggle everyday life to control their kids with discipline or just let them do what they want cause parents are too busy to make money or to do other selfish shit, and others do their very best to be supportive ones for their kids.
am being cynical or positive?
I am just being realistic.
COMMENTS
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XposionX
11:35 Jun 12 2012
I myself am growing up in a home thats not good for me. Livimg with my father and a women who after 2 years has my brother, sister, and me in our room all day because she doesnt like us. She screams at us because she doesnt like hearing our voices. But im not complaining. Why should i. Shes never done anything for us but made us do things she doesnt wanna do. So its a blessing being away from her.
I was neglected by my mother growing up. When she found out my father was getting CPS she grabbed the 2 of us( my sister and i) and took us to missouri. When my brother was born she didnt take care of him or any of us. But i saved our lifes.
ive almost been raped two diff. times but was saved.
My life maybe bad as well as my childhood but im doing really well. I do great in school, im a happy person. My life has just made me stronger. For that im glad in every way that counts. Im stronger.
Dharkling
21:56 Jun 12 2012
I think in many ways, I am a little bit of everything. Sometimes optimist, sometimes pessimist and sometimes realist along with a million other variables. I liked reading this, but there was one paragraph I found intriguing because I have never heard anyone say this. (For years, I was "the ear" to literally thousands of addicts and alcoholics of all ages from 18 to 80, who came to me to talk, not because I had any answers but because I listened.) The part to which I am referring begins with "I might fall in love one day...and ends with ..."love can destroy a person's heart after made it happy with joy".
KarminaTheDarkAngel
22:32 Jun 12 2012
Ive been in a house that was abusive , and known someone who was in a house that was in a home that was pure hell yet he had a heart of gold .. to say there is no love .. Id disagree .. what I had with him was the purest and truest of love .. you will find it .. if you open yourself up .. I know looks whos talking right ? Ugh its a catch 20 / 20 maybe we only get one chance and i had mine .. but its real and beautiful and pure
Dharkling
14:28 Sep 19 2012
You are not alone!
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